Refueling with Love
March 23rd, 2010 | Author: Shannon
My 3 year old gave me a run for my mothering today.
He whined. He cried uncontrollably. He manipulated. He tattled. He pushed.
And underneath it all there was a little smile and a little frown.
I went to my trusty Positive Discipline book and looked up a few of these “behaviors” and decided I really had a little boy who felt a little neglected and wanted some special attention.
I went to a place in myself where I felt guilty for not giving him enough attention. For “leaving” him this weekend with friends while I went to my yoga teacher training. But….
I figured that while he’s a little boy and missed his mama, he still couldn’t be rewarded for being naughty.
So I crafted a solution, and I am blown away at how well it worked!
I usually allow him to watch TV while I cook dinner… it’s his “reward” for being good, it’s my reward for getting to dinner time; tonight I told him no, his could not watch TV but he could help me cook dinner.
This would give us some special time together without giving him a “reward” or a “punishment”.
He made the salad almost entirely on his own (what a big boy!).
After dinner we went outside and he watered all our plants with kelp spray, then played in the backyard, and finally went on our special walk to our pond and through the woods. This time was special though, daddy came with us!
Jeremiah was so excited to show his dad all the special places that he plays in the woods.
When we got home he asked again if he could watch his TV, I said no. He didn’t even whine (for the first time all day!) He got on his PJ’s picked out a book and was in bed and asleep by 8 pm.
I think all his acting out came from wanting special time with his family and it added such a wonderful twist to the whole experience that he got to “show off” to his dad (oh what a big boy!).
I have a feeling that we’ll have some great behavior tomorrow… not because he’ll want to get his TV reward, but because he feels so full and so rewarded to begin with, that he just won’t even need to act out. He’s coming from feeling whole and loved and connected to his family, not running on empty, he running full of love.
I never even raised my voice… and it worked like a charm.
What do you do about whining? I go nuts… any tips out there mamas and papas?
This is part of the Steady Mom blog challenge. Post time start to finish 28 minutes (but I haven’t published yet!)
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Thanks for sharing this! I like your solution a lot. It’s good to be reminded that sometimes, the behavior is saying that the parenting needs a tweak or two. I don’t always remember to step outside of the situation and take an objective peek at what’s going on. Whining really gets on my nerves, too!
.-= Megan@Homeschooling on the Run´s last blog ..Living Values By Tending the Vineyard (30 Minute Blog Challenge) =-.
yes… I love the Positive Discipline book as a reference for “naughty” behavior (mine or my son’s). But I have to say I also think that going outside is the best solution for everything!
Whining is probably my most abhored childhood behavior, I think because it so quickly grates on my nerves. Now that I’ve got two kids, I’ve learned that whining is usually a sign of something else (hunger, exhaustion or another need like more mommy or daddy time). The trick is to step back and not get caught up in the moment. If you can do that, you’ll often be surprised with your child’s response.
We’ll see how this phase goes for me… outside time with love may it please get me through!
Isn’t it wonderful when a not-so-great-day is transformed! Smart Mom for thinking on your feet.
I abhor whining- though I’m capable of it myself.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Juice Glasses =-.
What a beautiful story about you and your son, thank you for sharing.
I don’t have any children myself yet, but can’t wait to start a family. Disciplining and dealing with misbehaving children is always on the back of my mind – more so, HOW to deal with it. You have provided a beautiful example of perfect parenting tips.
Many thanks!
Lara
http://ultimatelifestyleproject.com/fostering-creativity
.-= Lara Jane | Ultimate Lifestyle Project´s last blog ..Fostering Creativity =-.
susan, yes, I whine too… thanks for the wonderful comment.. it was nice to see my “thinking” work!
That’s just brilliant – I love the whole positive discipline thing!!! Works for us!!!
I’m with Debi- whining is one of the most annoying things a kid can do. Aaaahhhhhhhh! I’d like to just tell my boys to “cowboy up”, but it’s true that it is a sign that they need/want something–usually attention.
People say to not reward kids by giving them attention when they whine, but for a little kid, what else is there but attention from mom and dad? I think you are right to fill them up with attention, love and time together BEFORE the whining. Then they don’t need to whine (most of the time). And work on skills for expressing what they want/need, so they know alternatives to whining.
.-= Mel´s last blog ..Make a bug house: part II =-.